On March 27, 2010 I acquired the most amazing and important title that has ever and will ever be attached to my being.
Mom
Unfortunately, on June 9, 2010, I resumed the title that had been attached to my being for the previous 2 years of my life. The details are unimportant. But it happened.
I do not want to work.
There, I said it.
I DO want to be the best mommy I can be for my child.
Unfortunately, working outside of the home, for now at least, is a means to that end.
Baby's need things. Most basically they need food, warmth and shelter. Pay checks come in handy... correction, in my world, paychecks are essential for providing those things.
So, am I happy to be a "working mom?" No. But am I going to do it to the best of my abilities? Yes.
The problem that brings me to the point of typing these words is that when I go to work, I do not don a power suit or heels. I do not own a blackberry. I do not travel. I do not have an assistant. Figuring out how to make sure the household functions in my absence is not one of my worries. I'm not working because my career is my life. My parents would probably shudder to hear that those 7 years of higher education really no longer matter to me. Yet, I DO work hard and I DO find myself hurtling towards major obstacles every day of the week. And I feel like there's nothing out there for moms like me. I've looked at magazines and searched the interweb trying to find something, anything that sounds like me. Maybe I haven't looked hard enough, but ... help me out here Bono... I still haven't found what I'm looking for.
So, here I am. Hoping that I can find others like me and that we can share some thoughts, feelings, ideas... recipes, hot tips, and LAUGHS as we struggle to be mommying workers.
Larissa, for me staying home is just as messy as a process as it is for you trying to get there. My husband and I did not have everything in order when it was time for Amelia to be born and though he took up a second job to help things along we were living on a prayer every month... and still are! I don't mean to discourage you, quite the contrary, I want you to know that when that time comes it may not be obvious. You may just feel it in your gut and decide to take a leap of faith. That's what we did and continue to do and obviously two years later we're still here. Maybe behind on some bills and living on a dime but we're not going into debt and I'm able to stay home with the kiddos. A few things I did to get here - we got rid of our second car. Big sacrifice but an even bigger expense! I breast feed exclusively (which I know not everyone is able to do) and cloth diaper. We also budget pretty carefully.. and the rest we leave up to God! We pray a lot, ask for what we need from him and from others (important) and trust that we'll be rewarded for our faith some day. We're not there yet but we see the light at the end of the tunnel.
ReplyDeleteYou're already sacrificing what you want most to do what you know is best so when it comes time to face the challenges needed to get here you'll have no problem. I look forward to keeping up with your thoughts during this process!